If you’ve been following along with the Ignatian Year Blog, you’re likely familiar with Ignatius’ Cannonball Conversion. For any newbies to the blog, St. Ignatius was struck by a cannonball at the Battle of Pamplona. During his recovery, he spent his time reading about the lives of the saints and Jesus Christ. And for the Jesuits, the rest is history…
When I graduated (virtually) from undergrad in May of 2020, I realized I did not know what my next step would be. The world felt chaotic and unknown. I felt insecure in who I was and who I wanted to be. This cannonball moment felt like a period of desolation and uncertainty.
I know it’s cliche to say that God works in mysterious ways, but it’s the truth. My next step took the form of a smiley, joyful six-month old. My best friend’s niece had been born right at the start of the Pandemic, and the family was looking for a live-in nanny. I packed my bags and moved to Pennsylvania to spend my days watching a new life grow and develop.
We don’t always recognize our present for what it is. We often need a retrospective lens to see where God has been actively working in our lives. Although the world seemed to halt on its axis, I saw firsthand how the world continued turning. I watched a baby learn to sit up, crawl, and take her first steps. Time was not standing still.
There is a tension in my heart because I recognize the pain and the suffering caused by the Pandemic, the world’s cannonball. But I hold my time in Pennsylvania close to my heart. During a very uncertain time, for the world and for myself, I was able to remember to slow down and appreciate the little moments. I remember how the baby, who is now a not-so-little toddler, was fascinated by yellow dandelions. Where I saw a weed, the baby saw beauty.
In some ways, conversion can look a lot like remembering. I did not need to change who I was for the baby to appreciate me. Instead, I needed to remember my authentic self, the self God loves unconditionally. I remembered how to see beauty in the ordinary. I remembered how to walk slowly. I remembered how trash collectors are rockstars. I remembered how to listen to the sounds of birds. I remembered how to be.