This past Thanksgiving break was the dawn of the realization that my relationship with my grandmother could be considered a friendship, because what I treasured most from vacation was simply being with my grandmother, my Yaya. At some point in my middle school education we discussed how our deepest friendships were those in which we could be quiet and enjoy the gift of being with the other person. The more time I spend with Yaya, the more grateful I become not for the adventures I cherished most as a child—trips to the beach, the amusement park, or our beloved local ice cream shop—but simply the gift of time, the gift of being with her. Three saints’ descriptions of friends reveal the beauty of friendship with my Yaya.
“God sends us friends to be our firm support in the whirlpool of struggle. In the company of friends we will find strength to attain our sublime ideal.” -St. Maximilian Kolbe
I distinctly recall being nine and rushing downstairs to call Yaya, so that she could convince my parents of their obvious unfairness (or, if that failed, to run away and live with her). While Yaya ultimately imparted her wisdom on me (asserting that a ten o’clock departure to fly or walk halfway across the country was not a possibility), even at age nine I knew wholeheartedly that Yaya was my pillar of strength in any whirlpool of struggle. In the later torrents of college decisions, elite academic institutions, and collegiate athletics which challenged my identity, Yaya’s company or conversation imparted almost-immediate peace. To encounter Yaya is to encounter a love so genuine that it mediates God’s love; in a way nothing else can, Yaya’s love grounds me in God’s peace and reconnects me to the strength I need to make God’s sublime ideal my own.
“Love everyone with a deep love based on charity…but form friendships only with those who can share virtuous things with you. The higher the virtues you share and exchange with others, the more perfect your friendship will be.” -St. Francis de Sales
I have few exemplars of how to love others more ardently than my Yaya. The fruit of a life lived in intentional relationship with the Trinity radiates from her beautiful smile and warm hugs. My relationship with Yaya has always instilled in me a deep admiration of the virtues which bejewel her way of daily life. Grace shines as she patiently welcomes my large family when we inhabit her home for two weeks each summer, as she readies a heart for reconciliation with the briefest of conversations, or as she shares her generosity of spirit through warm hospitality. During our yearly summer vacation, my eight-person family seems to ever-so-subtly become a better version of themselves, especially in Yaya’s presence. The older I become, the more I desire to become like Yaya—to embody God’s love whose fruit is virtue. Yaya’s embodiment of charity serves not only as a model, but as a means to draw me closer to the source of virtue manifest in her life.
“Friendship, as it has been said, consists in a full commitment of the will to another person with a view to that person’s good.” -St. John Paul II
Few people more sincerely desire my good than Yaya. With unparalleled wisdom and a heart capable of beautifully pure love, Yaya expresses her commitment to my good with gentle honesty and concern about my happiness. Yaya never withholds her honest opinion, which I hold in high esteem. She also cares deeply about my happiness; she never lets me leave without asking if I am happy in my study or work. Even amidst trials, Yaya points out that happiness can be found in perseverance and moments of peace—it is this deep happiness about which she asks, not merely the whimsical happiness that ebbs and flows with life’s peaks and valleys.
Cherished friends bring me joy, calling me by word and example to be a better version of myself–to be who God made me to be. My Yaya embodies holiness, calling me to it with her example and the way she lives, the way she loves; she draws me closer to holiness through our friendship. As Yaya was an English teacher, poetry captures well what her example and our friendship has taught me:
“And we are put on earth a little space, That we may learn to bear the beams of love…” -William Blake
MEGAN HEEDER earned a B.A. and an M.A. from the University of Notre Dame and is currently earning a Master’s in Theological Studies at the School of Theology and Ministry at Boston College
Printed with the permission of the author.
PHOTO CREDIT: Megan Heeder and her grandmother, Yaya. Submitted with permission.